BARBADOS - “The Dangers of Assumption”
Last year a friend and I traveled to Barbados. I crafted a fine itinerary of rum, flying fish sandwiches, surfing, and island exploration over the course of 5-days; it was active, but not overly ambitious. Our reservations were confirmed, routes were identified, and excitement was high. Everything was going exactly to plan…until we met Shawn.
BAJAN ROAD TRIP
Our rental car was delivered to our B&B the morning we were to take a road trip around the island. We hopped in and jokingly chanted “keep left, keep left, keep left,” so as to not end up lodged in the grill of a pick-up. With a GPS unit and a list of locations to tick off along the way, we set off.
Our eyes were washed with the picturesque coastline of Crane Beach and Shanty Bay before we made our way past an abandoned light house watching over the ocean battered cliffs of Ragged Point. The view from Hackleton’s point inspired us to delve into the undulating mountain interior of the island. However, once there, we found Harrison’s Cave to be an uninspiring tourist trap and signs warning that the road to Mount Hillaby was “closed.” All disappointment immediately subsided once we descended from the interior to Bathsheba Beach. Imposing coral boulders litter the Atlantic shallows near the surfer playground known as the “Soup Bowl.” We wandered in awe along the beach and gnarled coastline before we feasted on the transient view from the Atlantic Hotel’s patio and the island’s best flying fish sandwiches. Satiated, we continued north along the coast towards Cove and Little Bay.
Overlook of Bathsheba Beach
THE SAMARITAN
As we approached the intersection for Cove Bay, we encountered a young man standing in the middle of the road.
“Hello! How are you? I’m sorry, but the road is closed down the street.”
Under normal circumstances, I might have been appreciative of such a Good Samaritan. However, because there had been road closure signs in the interior of the island, my suspicions were raised. After brief introductions, Shawn continued:
“You guys aren’t German, are you?”
“Uh, no. We’re from the United States.”
“Much respect! We don’t like Germans. We send them down the wrong roads; true ting! Since you’re from the US, I can show you a secret bay that is so beautiful; it will make your lovely wife fall in love with you!”
I figured it wasn't the best time to make the case my female friend was not my wife. Instead, I explained that we had a GPS system and it wasn't necessary that he show us the way. Shawn insisted that our GPS was useless and the amazing bay of which he spoke wouldn't be listed. I figured I’d neutralize his persistence by letting him provide us with directions.
“Fine, so how do you recommend we get there?”
As if he had teleportation abilities, Shawn was instantly in the back seat of our car. This is why ALL cars should have automatic door locks…
“Drive down this road and I’ll show you the most amazing bay; real ting. Don, we never show this to Germans!”
I noticed that Shawn had brought two empty Banks beer bottles with him into the car. Perhaps he didn't want to litter? Or, perhaps he was an advocate of recycling empty beer bottles into blunt weapons that could easily be modified into cutting instruments. Either way, the whole situation was getting stranger and more disconcerting with every passing moment. As we started to drive away, we noticed two other young men standing to the side of the road and staring us down as we passed. “Scheiße!” I thought.
Church with a view
A HIJACKED TOUR
Our manic hijacker / tour leader provided us with a seemingly never-ending rambling about Barbados in addition to his navigation services. Our GPS unit that was deemed “useless,” had meanwhile recalculated our route to Cove Bay and appeared to be mirroring Shawn’s directions. On the exterior I feigned interest and enjoyment as we motored along our little tour. However, the Detroiter in me was sizing Shawn up: beer bottles and intense enthusiasm were evidence he had been drinking; a few gold teeth and lean muscle mass meant that he was scrappy; and the faint pungent smell of body odor in the car meant that, well, at that point it could have been me. All variables were evaluated to identify how quickly I could dislocate his knee and break his nose. I was psychologically preparing myself to inflict and receive pain; steadily releasing more and more adrenalin. Throughout our tour, I was balancing my positive calm and entertained exterior with the internal chaos that was preparing me to scrap like a wild animal. Obviously, this did not put me in the best state of mind to appreciate our paradise-like surroundings.
As we approached the end point on our GPS unit marking Cove Bay, Shawn instructed us to turn off the road and drive across what appeared to be a cow pasture. Not one to turn down an opportunity to drive a rental off-road, I navigated across what Shawn jokingly referred to as the “Bajan Serengeti.” We brought our car to rest within 10-meters of an awe-inspiring cliff overlooking Cove Bay. As if a start gun sounded, I immediately jumped out of the car pretending to be super-excited and strategically positioned Shawn between myself and the 100-ft cliff. As we neared the edge, I thought for a split second, “You know, I could push him off…” As if he heard my thoughts, Shawn turned around; “Do you want me to take a picture of you and your lovely wife?”
Water Spouts @ Little Bay
THE COST OF ASSUMPTION
After taking pictures of my friend and me, Shawn asked if I could take a picture with him. He wanted us to tell all of our friends in the U.S. to come visit him and make him famous. He explained that he and his friends enjoy sharing the history and beauty of Barbados with visitors; excluding the Germans, of course. Moments earlier I was mentally preparing myself to push his ass off a cliff, and now I just felt like a royal jack-ass. Shawn was never looking to rob or harm us; he was just a rogue tour guide. Sure, his marketing tactics were a bit suspect and borderline unethical, but he was just trying to earn a little cash. Perhaps he really did bring the empty bottles with him because he didn't want to litter? Or, perhaps the bottles weren't for attacking others, but to protect himself against some paranoid tourist that decides to go all Detroit-city on him.
As much as I try to be an open-minded and trusting traveler, I’m still a product of a fear-obsessed American culture that believes everybody in the world wants to kill or steal from us. In hindsight, perhaps the whole situation could have been prevented if the car door had been locked or I had demanded that Shawn get out of the car. My friend and I could have continued on our own and visited the same sites without Shawn. However, I’m glad that I decided to wait and see how the situation unfolded. Perhaps, in an alternate reality Shawn and his friends could have robbed us or turned out to be homicidal maniacs; but they weren't. Instead we received a reality check to our own paranoia and perspective on people with whom we are unfamiliar. In the end, we realized that Shawn never threatened our safety; it was our assumptions that took us hostage.
-Don
Shawn & I @ Cove Bay